Dating & Relationship Advice

Dating In the Dark: Don’t Take Him Home To Mama

Sometimes we are ashamed of the men we date. It could be because he’s nothing like your papa, or because he’s exactly like your father. Or maybe you were raised by your mother and you know that she wouldn’t approve of him at all.

Or even more than that, men that we don’t even want to be seen in public with. We all have our make or break lists. Some of those things may include not dating men who wear Jordan’s or Docksiders, wife beaters or ankle beaters. Some of us would be ashamed to bring home a man covered in tattoos, while to some of our families who have stepped into the 21st century, tattooed men and women are perfectly acceptable.

I’m somewhat afraid to confess that I once dated someone who wasn’t in college. As I was in college at the time, I felt iffy about dating someone who wasn’t in school because college boys represented my safety net. The schools had already done background checks and weeded out anyone who had no hope of even pretending to be intellectual. I have since then learned that most anything I learned in school as an English major, dance and fine arts minor, I could’ve learned outside of college. But to add more disgrace to the whole situation, about three months into the relationship, I was informed that this unnamed man had also not graduated from high school. High school. A free education in America and he hadn’t completed it? This would be totally unacceptable. How could i, as a well-educated african american, bring home an ignorant black man to meet my upstanding, law-abiding educated parents? I could not. And so, living in New York at the time, it was easy to avoid bringing home this man who deceived me into believing he was more intelligent than he actually was because my parents lived so far away in Tennessee.

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